5 ways to find peace if experiencing the ‘holiday blues’

What if it’s the most woeful, not wonderful, time of year for you and your family?

You may be experiencing the “holiday blues” – a seasonal angst afflicting many people, especially if they’re already struggling with relationships, finances, or mental health, psychologists say.

“A strained relationship with family, for example, can make this time of year pretty lonely,” explains Devna Bose for the Associated Press. “The holidays are expensive, and financial woes can cause major stress. Anxiety about holiday anything can fuel depression and worsen existing mental health concerns.”

From a Christian perspective, the holiday blues may indicate a departure from the original purpose behind Christmas – remembering the Advent of our Lord and Savior.

“It’s easy for me to boldly (and rather loudly) declare Jesus is the reason for the season, yet not be the best example of what that looks like,” admits Alicia Searl for Christianity.com.

“In fully recognizing who Jesus is and that He holds our future and fate in His hands, we can see that God wants us to do more than go through the motions, hold fast to unrealistic expectations we put upon ourselves and others or grab for that magical ‘feeling.’” 

Here are five ways to focus on finding peace amid this year’s craziness:

1. Focus on relationships – including strained ones. 

Several media outlets are advising families to set boundaries during the holiday season, particularly considering political polarization of Americans.

“I think with the recent election, there’s a lot of divisiveness and discord, and you’re probably having to interact with family members that have really opposing beliefs,” said Shilagh Mirgain, a psychologist at UW Health in Madison, Wisconsin. “That can bring up strong emotions.” 

However, our aim should be reconciliation instead of managing divisiveness, according to Searl. 

“We were created to do life together, to hold one another up, and come alongside each other in good times and bad,” she writes, citing Colossians 3:13 in the Bible. “Is there a relationship that needs mending? Ask God to provide ways to extend grace.” 

Regardless of political affiliation, Christians are called primarily to be peacemakers seeking the kingdom of God (Matthew 5:9, 6:33). While outcomes may differ based on specific holiday situations, our overall calling remains the same. 

2. Explore ways to practice generosity, appropriate to your financial condition. 

One of the main sources of anxiety concerning the holidays stems from monetary concerns – something to acknowledge and actively avoid.

“I ask people, ‘What’s the best part of the holiday?’” said Dr. Ellen Lee, a geriatric psychiatrist at UC San Diego Health. “It’s not usually about the decorations or all these extra things that we all spend a lot of time worrying about.” 

To combat this mentality, Lee suggests exploring ways to change it up – preparing a low-key celebration or setting different expectations from previous years.

“We have so many goals, so many targets,” she explained. “Getting all the gifts, decorating the house perfectly … sometimes it’s helpful to sort of focus on the most important part of it.”

Other avenues for families involve free activities such as volunteering at local churches and charities, donating gently used items to those in need, or participating in community events. 

3. Emphasize support and connection with others. 

Celebrating the holidays can present extra challenges if you’re grieving the loss of a loved one or adjusting to a new location away from family and friends.

“Loneliness and isolation can feel exacerbated during the holiday season when you look around and it seems like everyone’s getting together and you don’t have plans, or you’re not looking forward to your plans,” Mirgain said.

If this is a season of mourning for you, Lee recommends setting aside time to let yourself grieve, even during holiday preparations.

“Try to honor that person by visiting their grave site or doing something they really loved to do, and then find people to share those memories with,” she said.

Additionally, making the time to connect with other people can help improve one’s own mental health, according to Mirgain.

“There’s so much opportunity to give back during this time, and I think generosity is one of the best things we can do for our own well-being.”

Even if our family isn’t experiencing loss or isolation this Christmas, we can support those who are.

“Reach out to those that are hurting, grieving, or in need,” Searl advises fellow Christians. “If God is laying a person or family member on your heart, offer them the gift of your time.”

4. Recognize, and repel, any distractions from the truth of Christmas. 

Just like generosity, the commitment to remember and celebrate Jesus’ birth depends primarily on actions instead of feelings, according to Searl. 

“We currently live in a society that tells us to live our own truth. That truth is based on personal feelings and is subjective to our circumstances.” 

Specific actions to refocus on truth include regular prayer times and scripture reading – the Christmas story (Luke 1-2 or Matthew 1-2), for example, or the New Testament Gospels.

By remembering Jesus during this holiday season, we can defend against cultural messages and assumptions contrary to the Bible’s teachings, Searl writes.

“We must hold tightly to the truths found throughout the scriptures and realize that distractions are everywhere. They will try to capture our minds and steal our hearts, so we must be on guard.”

5. Ponder what Christmas means (or should mean) for you and your family. 

Perhaps the most neglected aspect among the holiday tinsel and tension involves time – simply to rest and remember. 

“Give Jesus the gift of your time (Ephesians 5:16),” Searl writes. “Find time daily to slip away and get still and quiet. Even if, even for a brief bit to posture your heart for joy, you’ll find your way back to Jesus.” 

This applies not only to parents, but also to children. By prioritizing discussions within the family, both young and old members can explore the true meaning of Christmas together, according to Searl. 

“We can have the best of intentions, but if we are growing frustrated that our children aren’t getting along or seeing Christmas the way we would like them to, it churns our hearts to complain rather than rejoice.” 

Starting an open-ended dialogue with your children may feel intimidating at first, but it can also lead to surprising – and often profound – revelations. 

“If they bring comments that don’t fit your mold of what Christmas means, reveal to them The Way, The Truth, and The Life this Christmas,” Searl writes. 

“We may view Christmas through a different lens depending on the season we find ourselves in, but let’s rejoice in our faithful, constant, and loving God, that offers us the ultimate gift of everlasting life!”